Archive | July, 2013

Relationships: Friendships

28 Jul

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Friendships.

The key ingredient to a long-lasting, successfully active friendship is loyalty.

To be loyal to someone is to decide to be there for them no matter what happens in life.  Loyalty is a dedication. You dedicate your heart to them and it is unwavering. With loyalty comes the remaining factors such as trust and honesty.

I can’t imagine a successful friendship where one party is loyal and the other is not. In speaking of a person to person friendship. Although I’m sure such friendships do exist.

If you are going to be there for someone through the ups and downs of life, it is human nature for you to expect that they’d do the same for you. That’s an initial thought when processing the concept of friendship to someone. Even if you come to learn their ideas may differ.

Who you connect to as a friend should be automatic. Along the same lines of connecting to people in romantic relationships.

If we interact with people without expectation or any reservations and deal with each other without the sense of entitlement, we can usually see how far we are supposed to go with someone. Without having to enforce the issue itself. Now whether we choose to take heed or ignore these signs are completely depending upon ourselves. Even in those situations where we know the introduction should be the ending with some people.

The reality in crossing paths with people is that, not every good-looking, successful or great characteristic individual is meant for a long-term contract in your life.

In the event that we get closer to someone just to find out that very information, we should have no fear in letting go. Without thinking “it may not be anything better for me.”

You don’t have to connect yourself to anyone. Connections happen on their own.  You don’t have to accept any situation by forcing yourself to it. What you label it or allow it to be, is what it will be.

 

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Time.

Time does not qualify as a reason to identify someone as a friend. Specifically in friendships that we hang on to over the years that are stressful and unhealthy. Ones that we see no positive growth in. Friendships do take time, effort, growth, togetherness, acceptance and love. You have to love a person past titles and what you think they should be to you. Not all of them survive and maintain the same status during the times that we experience separate changes in life and growth.

If you’ve been friends with someone for a long time and you question that friendship in your mind and heart, there is nothing wrong with assessing if it is built off of time or the actual friendship.

 

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Honesty.

 

You have to have honesty with a “friend” for them to really be a friend to begin with. Honesty meaning truth and not being afraid to disagree or any other consequences that may come as a result of honesty. Telling the truth is more important in a friendship than hiding or bottling feelings in to keep the atmosphere pleasant.

A friendship may be more vulnerable or at risk of loss due to dishonesty. Say what needs to be said beforehand, while things are in good graces. While the climate is pleasant. All parties might be more open to hearing what issues are at hand.

To bring something up that you’ve been holding in,  in a disagreement later, maybe one that you didn’t initiate will look like you were harboring bad feelings. A ticking time bomb waiting for the right moment to explode, with everything.

Deal with issues as they come up, so that there isn’t a need to keep a record of wrong. Especially for those friendships that matter to you.

If you are not going to deal with people on a friendship level, make it known their status to you. As it is true, not everyone that you think is a friend, is a friend forever. Some people really do come in your life for a season for a reason.

Don’t be fooled by categories on social media sites. Real friendships are those of whom you talk to, relate to, and spend time in if there was no FaceBook. After you’ve logged out.

 

“ A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” –Arnold H. Glasow

“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” – Elisabeth Foley

“The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you, when you are right.” –Mark Twain

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” –Proverbs 27:6

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Trayvon Martin gone forever, George Zimmerman goes free

14 Jul

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    My prayers and concerns are with Trayvon’s Mother and Father after receiving the not guilty verdict from the trial of the shooter that killed 17-year old Trayvon Martin. I especially sympathize with his mother, being a mother myself. I can’t grasp the idea of putting all that love, time and energy into a person and losing them just before they reached the start of their lives and approaching the path of young adulthood.

The Martin’s 17-year old son is gone and his life was wrongly claimed by another individual who chose to follow someone who happened to be an innocent, 17-year old child with no weapon and who was not guilty of any criminal activity. Trayvon Martin.

When I learned of the verdict, my first reactions were disbelief, shock and questions in my heart of “How?” “How could this be?”

Does our laws really override what is right when an innocent life is taken?

Are our laws designed to acquit the guilty and not give the innocent, the victims, the justice that is due to them?

It seems that is so.

Inside of court rooms, from what I’ve seen, reads the common phrase: “In God We Trust.”

In court rooms, where man made laws take precedent over God’s laws.

(If God were the judge in this case, in this trial, what would the verdict be?)

Trayvon’s death cannot be undone. It cannot be reversed. And George Zimmerman, the murderer of an innocent black teenager has been set free. As if he’s done nothing wrong. Due to his sentencing, I feel that he might believe that. Because laws have justified his actions.

What message does that send to the black youth? Particularly young black males?

That their lives don’t matter? That they can be hunted down and killed by anyone because of their skin color and dress code? Because of stereotypes? Misjudgments. Based on their appearance?

In Trayvon’s case, it wasn’t about race.

I want to believe that it wasn’t, so I can cling to the hope that I have for my son and nephews without worrying that their skin color will be an issue as they continue to grow up. But in this case, it was only about race. First. Before anything else.

Whether it was said or not.

Trayvon Martin was preconceived to be guilty, because he was black.

No matter how it’s said, the evidence is in what has taken place. An innocent black boy was killed and his killer walks free. The laws say one thing but now we’ve seen with our own eyes. We can’t deny the truth.

When I try to look at the details of this case with only my eyes, all I see is several events that could have happened to prevent the death of Trayvon Martin. One being, if the gunman, Zimmerman suspected that Trayvon Martin was guilty of more than defending himself against what might have appeared to a 17-year old boy, unarmed and not expecting to be confronted the way that he was, a possible lunatic or madman (since Zimmerman had no authority uniform or badge) someone looking to cause trouble with him. And not that it’s right or that he had a right to pull a gun on him in the first place…. but based on police training and tactics which Zimmerman believed himself to be, the police, while dealing with an unarmed kid, why wouldn’t he instead only do enough to restrain him and keep him from attacking or escaping until the proper authorities arrived?  Instead of shooting him in the chest to kill him as only a cold-blooded killer would. Determining the fate of innocent life. Which was what Zimmerman didn’t think Trayvon deserved a chance of. Life.

As if he knew for sure that he was guilty of anything upon approaching him in the first place.

Which comes off as far more than ill-will.

Still George Zimmerman was set free. A murderer set free. All because of a “stand your ground” law. A law that protects a person even if they are the ones to create the problem. If they are the ones to provoke another individual to having to defend themselves by “standing their ground.” Was Trayvon Martin not protected and covered by this same law? He lost his life, so he loses the case? Is that how our laws are designed?

You’d be surprised to find that there is much more than law  that is considered when making a decision or coming to a verdict in court cases. Theatrics play a part as well. Creating false imagery to go along with the stories is not unlikely and can prove to be effective.  In my opinion the Zimmerman we saw throughout the trial does not reflect the ones in photos. The photos that portrayed him when he confronted Trayvon Martin on the night of his death. He had put on much more weight, as it seems, to soften his appearance. 

When an innocent life is taken and the admitted killer is at hand for the wrongful death, I thought the proper procedure is to convict the guilty and deliver justice to the innocent. To protect society from further possible harm by this individual. That seems like standard operating procedure. Then other evidence might help determine, along with the crime, the length of the sentencing and the extremity of punishment one should face. But never should a killer, someone who has claimed an innocent life without probable cause, walk free.

That is what has taken place in the case of George Zimmerman as of July 13, 2013.

I really did think this was America.

If we have no value for the lives, the prosperity, well-being and complete upbringing of our youth, how can we believe we have and add any value or hope to the future? Which are our children. The world does not end at us. Sometimes it feels to me that’s the way that we live today.

Based upon our laws in the world, we never know which way a case may go or how it may end. With God’s laws they do not change and they mean what they say, as they are written.

In the bible it is written that “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

Proverbs 16:4 reads “The Lord works out everything for His own ends—-“

This is where believers, we as black people in Jesus Christ find an undying hope that can’t be tampered with by the law of this world. We know and believe that God has the final say so. That He is a witness everywhere. To see what we may not have seen. What we don’t understand.

This is also the hope that Sylvia Fulton, Trayvon’s Mother expressed on Twitter after the verdict was released that George Zimmerman was found not guilty.

God is the highest authority. The highest judge and He will have the final say.

 

POWER IN PRAYING

10 Jul

When I found out about this book it was through someone who is married and I was nowhere near to being anybody’s wife. How do I know? Because that was over 4 years ago and I am still single. Happily single I must say!

I went to the bookstore and I ended up buying it. I wasn’t sure why. As I read through the book and saw how it is designed, to show a wife how to pray for every area of a husband’s life, I eventually came to the conclusion that I could pray for my husband before we even entered into each other’s lives. Not in an obsessive manner, but in a way to add another individual to my prayers. That’s different right? The idea felt strange at first. But then I knew if I could pray for a stranger, how much more for someone I know. It opened me up in different ways. So, that’s what I used it for, since I had it on hand.

I like how the book breaks down every area of a man’s life. How each area needs to be prayed for specifically. Most importantly as it pertains to my life right now, I also learned how to use the same methods of praying for my son and myself. To pray, often and to be specific about those things I expect to see real changes in, that I know I can’t change myself. You’d be surprise to find out that could be anything.

It’s amazing how some things manifest into our lives. I think about that when I see this book on my shelf, being as single as I am. Over 4 years worth of single at that! And so far, this is where I want to be! LOL. I’m just patient. That’s all! 🙂

If I found it to be useful as a single woman, I thought it could surely be of value to those who are engaged, soon to be married or already married.

So, here you go!

-Veronica

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Thank You! & Don’t forget to stop by http://veronicamichellebenson. wordpress.com

2 Jul

Hi!
I just wanted to take the time to really say thank you to everyone who visits my blogs. To those of you who leave comments, who read and are encouraged. I hope that you can come here and be inspired by something I post.
It’s sometimes so easy to forget how fast words are. Written or spoken, they can affect someone instantly.
I write from my personal experiences, from individuals or things that I may have witnessed or read about. So I do know that people are reading whether they say it or not.
I especially appreciate those who are following the blogs. That too inspires me to continue the one thing I enjoy doing, which is writing.
I must admit that because I have been doing it for most of my life, I hadn’t put much thought into the fact of writing for an audience. Until I learned that writing, no matter what it is about, will reach someone.

Don’t forget to check out my other blog at:
http://veronicamichellebenson.wordpress.com

My other site giving more of the visual side of me.

See you here & there!

Thank you,
Veronica