Archive | July, 2014

Dream Seasons: 7/25/10

25 Jul

By Veronica M. Benson

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Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in a significant season in my life. I call it dream season. I believe it is the season before my dreams come true or the season that my dreams begin to be revealed.

In my life my dreams began about 8 years ago when my son was born. Having a baby boy was the most miraculous event in my life. I never knew that I would be chosen to give birth to a boy. As well as if I even wanted to be a mother. Just like I knew I would never get married. God blessed me to be a mother and I wasn’t married.

When my son came into my life he was my little Angel. He still is. A miracle God sent to transform and bless me & my life. My life presently at that time and my future.

Growth isn’t always easy. I learned that as a mother more than any other time in my life. Though life is unpredictable and there have been trials and tribulations that I couldn’t have imagined, predicted or believed I would go through, there is nothing I would trade or give up to being a special little boy’s mother. My son’s mother.

I was chosen for this special purpose and throughout my life all of the jobs I worked, careers I thought I wanted, nothing in my life has more value than being a mother to Caleb. God knew my heart and that’s where he reached me to whisper all the dreams I could imagine.

When Caleb, came into my life I knew I had to be closer to God. I didn’t think so necessarily for me, but for him. My son. So with each pursuit to get closer & closer to God, I always found that there was a way to be even closer. So I began what felt like an endless, non-stop chase after God.

I joined church, after saying that I didn’t need to belong to a church to know God. At 1 year old, my son was blessed as a baby. An event in which the babies of the church are blessed and prayed over. Three years after I joined, I was baptized. In 2008. In 2009 I enrolled in the church’s 14-week membership orientation/training courses. 14 weeks of classes that enhances the spiritual self. At the end of the class, we had a spiritual gifts assessments. Mine came back with numerous results for different areas that I might specialize in. The funny thing about it all, is that before I joined in 2005, I hadn’t really belonged to a church. Though I spent time in one or the other. Calvary Baptist Church mostly, that I remember. As a child I didn’t grow up in one either. I believe when you have a purpose and when you know you are special, as I always have, it doesn’t have to take God all day to reach you. Throughout my life I’ve always believed in God and have always prayed, but never felt I needed to be in church. Because of what sounded like horror stories of church that my mother told me about her experiences being in church. I didn’t find out until I was in church myself that so much was missing in my life because I wasn’t there.

In 2010 along with the entire church I was fasting every 25th day of each month for the entire year. There was a lot going on in my life and some things I had already gone through, so during my time in prayer and fasting I was searching for clear answers about the direction of my life. I had so many people around me but I felt like I had no one but my son, a baby and God. Which turns out to be more than enough. God was also teaching me how to trust in him, completely. No matter what my eyes may have seen. So that He could do everything that He had planned to do in my life for me. God made it so that my eyes were watching Him. He separated me from everything that was a distraction to get me completely available to Him. I had to deal with some hard things to be obedient to God. (Not to a man, but God.)

Later on I realized that at the same time I was chasing and pursuing God, someone in my life was wrongfully trying to pursue & build a false case against me. That I wasn’t aware of. God had my eyes, mind and heart focused on Him. I was fasting and praying for peace, happiness & all the things that families can be for a special little boy. I needed also for God to show me that I was on the right path.

During the 7th month of fasting and praying with our church on the 25th day, God called my 3-year old baby to salvation. Forgetting that I asked God this somewhere near the end of the last year, when my son asked me about “going forth” weeks before, I thought he was just playing & wanting to do what he saw other people doing. So on that day I knew God was moving in his spirit. And that He was giving me the very blessing I had asked, which was to save my baby before his 4th birthday. God had spoken to me clearly & for this miracle I never have to doubt that He’s listening to me, and guiding me. Because I look for Him to, in my whole life. He also knows that I trust Him. Especially when it comes to my son.

Each year I will celebrate and talk about 7/25/10 until someone gets it! Until someone understands the miracles God can perform in children. Though we live in chaos. Until someone gets that you don’t need to worry about a man doing right by you or your children. Give it to God! Don’t stress and worry about other grown people, when you are supposed to be taking care of and teaching the babies about God. Now!

You can take your eyes off of a man and focus them completely on God. When you want something from God, He has to know that you are for real. You don’t have to be perfect. That’s what I love about God. The whole world or everyone who thinks they know something about me can think whatever or say whatever about me. Then God is going to keep blessing me!

Fix your desires on things set above. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all else will be added.

Dreams are real. Dreams can be made real, but in God.

By Veronica M. Benson

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Closer

21 Jul

Purpose

17 Jul

We make many plans in our lives, but only God’s PURPOSE will prevail.
We learn that finding your dreams and purpose isn’t always easy, when there is a glimpse, a vision of what’s to come. We celebrate it, though the journey there can be long & hard.

That’s so that you know you need God. You can’t do it now without Him, on the road there & you can’t do it then without Him, once you get there.

Having God’s Purpose revealed in your life is far better than doing anything else.

~PURPOSE~

LoveArt
By Veronica M. Benson

Nobody’s Hero: To My Rich Husband

7 Jul

Nobody’s Hero: To My Rich Husband

By Veronica M. Benson

I’ll address you as so
Because that’s what you think you are to me
You hate to admit it, but You hate what I know

Your life is a burden
I don’t understand why you’re not buried
You live life so much in a hurry
To get to what doesn’t belong to you

You call me your “wife?”
I laugh out loud on your perspective
You have no purpose in my life
Your mother’s death, no accident, blood sacrifice
If only your strength,rich & power could have saved her
You’re the weakest man I’ve ever seen
I’m already hipped to the game
I know what’s to gain
With me, I showed you what I am to you
You better think twice
Your worst nightmare
I swear

I see you in the news
Throwing tantrums and letting little things upset you
You’re human, that’s your excuse?
I must admit I love what hurts you
Though i’ll never love you

Nobody knows why my words are this way
But tell them, you do.
Your access to my life, touching me, trying to do to me, what happened to you since you were a little kid, hurting me
I walk around with you
And nobody sees
Everyday I’m fighting
No one to understand or to care about the pain, the anger behind the words that I’m writing

I stay hidden to keep from hiding.
You constantly trying
To make me believe I’m alone
& no higher power is on my side
Where’s your God?

Millions follow blindly
They don’t yet know the disaster
On the inside and
They can’t see yet, you for exactly what you are
And what you’ve never been
Making a living in a dress
Because you don’t have what it takes to be a man

My Hero, My Husband.

In between almost 30 women’s legs
Somewhere to get off and rest your head
For the night, but never to call home
And not 1 of 27 to make your wife?

A miscarriage, from an STD
Millions couldn’t get you to a clinic for a pretesting?

You provide me with so much information in advanced
For what?
I’ll never give you my love
My heart is filled with hate, for you.
Because my everyday right now with you, what I wake up and go to sleep to.
Invisibly. No one but I & My God can see.

You hurt and say there will be healing
You don’t care or consider what I’m feeling
All that has been done to me
You’ll never be able to undo.

So I’m thinking where you can’t find out
While you continue to do what you do
You hear my thoughts and try to change my heart
I’ve seen you play many roles
But with me, your weak ass wanna play the oh so bad guy, bully and coward part

I’m not fooled, though you are one
Because of your life, I’m afraid to even discuss the matters of my son.

Happily ever after?

I’d be happy if it actually never happens, if it has to be with you.

Everyday I’m thinking of ways to get away from you like this and again when others will see
I know the story of Queen Vashti was written especially for me

On your mother’s death, I will never be with you.

I don’t care of your life, promises, fortune and fame
I hate the person you are to me, I hate your name.

If you have it all,
What do you want from me?
What are you doing to me.
Ever since I found out you are around, you’ve only tried to destroy me.

You have the world or so it seems
It feels good knowing I’ll never give you the one thing you truly need.

How can I explain in words so that someone will know
A man that the world praises and honors
Is the same man everyday holding on to me in bitterness vowing to never let go.

You won’t have my heart.
You’ll live and die without it.
After all that I’ve been through and still going through, I make myself this promise.

I don’t belong to you, I have no respect inside of me for your life
If I could make 1 deal with the devil
I’d ask him to take your life.
Now.

I don’t have an apology, I’ll never be sorry.
When I count over all the days i’ve been hurting, silently
I’ll want the same & 10 times worse for you
My life being watched in the carelessness of a destructive individual.
Who hasn’t got a clue about love
Almost 15 years older than me
When I thought dreams, you would’ve been the nightmare I’d never think of.

Do you feel my hate?
More importantly, I hope you understand why I feel this way
I’ll never marry you
And these feelings will never ever change for you.
I hope you’ve enjoyed every second of what you’re doing
And are proud of what your hands have ruined.

This heart that you’ve tortured and hurt
Has suffered a pain that can never be undone
In forgiveness, I’ll only want you living…..

Without me. *

I see you
And I know you still need to be taught
45 years and all
Before you even open your mouth
What I have in me can never be bought

Millions you have

It can never be bought.

My husband, my hero.

Everyday I’m fighting

I’m fighting you
You’re fighting too

But I can never tell whose side do you belong to

I wasn’t looking for a savior in a man

And having anyone at my heart was not in my plans

I look forward to the day when everyone will know your pursuits with me, & I never take your hand

I’m looking forward to putting you in my past.

I want my dreams, but I never wanted you

Not in love.

I can’t dig to find in my soul, one part of me that will be OK to settle, with you.

I’d rather live life without you. The rest of my life without you.

Women all over the world will look into my life in the distance with you, and say “what a lucky girl”

Not having a clue
The pain I suffer from you.

How my single nights and days are spent
In discomfort and torment

No ring on this finger
But day and night
Night and day
You’re clinging
They don’t see it

Heartache from one
My heartache about my son
Then you come along
To make my heartache of fun

One little woman
To endure so much
What is promised to be gained
Will never be enough

It’s not enough!

Just let me go and go on your way

To tell this story in what-ifs
And to see if my heart would break
Once you moved on
I’d like to know
I prefer disaster
Than having to settle

You can threaten to beg, cry and plead
But I know & I see God makes my enemies leave me.
I rather leave you with broken dreams & gain my peace.
For all that I’ve been through, don’t talk to me about your millions, you don’t owe me a dime
You can’t pay me a penny.
in all humility
I know my value to you
I rather see you with it all
& know that you’re empty.

(c) 2014

By Veronica M. Benson

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