Tag Archives: single women

Lovers & Friends 📽🎬

29 Mar

When you’ve known him since you were a girl & he’s watched you grow into a woman. 

And he’s loved you the whole way. ❤️

   
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
 

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Wonder Woman

3 Feb

Wonder Woman 1

By Veronica M. Benson

Why do I have to keep a straight face

Keep my legs crossed and appear unphased

Because he went out and misbehaved and played

Himself

I’m supposed to appear to be this perfect little thing

Grab hold of my emotions, like I’m not hurting

While I sat there all the time

Keeping us, in mind

Thinking about a promise that was

Supposed to come in our time

And in our line

But I’m supposed to be fine

I wonder how many women

Are living in pretending

While they keep hidden

What they are truly missing

Due to the years of tradition

That says to keep sitting

And be good little women

He’ll be back once his playing

Catches up with him

I wonder why women

Never get the nerves

Put on their best shoes

And skirts

And leave first

Or find enough strength

To take a deep breath
And leave

When what left returns

Burned

Ready to try and learn , now…

When he rebelled at first

Here he comes now

Some with a kid

Outside of what was promised

Or just the guilt, the scars

From what he did

And there you are

Ready to forgive

Forget about years

Tears

Fears

You didn’t choose to be played

But it’s your choice if you’ll stay

Too afraid that another woman

Will reap the good in him

That you know is on the way.

So where’s his lesson?

When he ran out and came back

And it was your turn you should have left him

In life there are many teachers

Experience so far is the best one

Don’t tell me it’s for the kids

Or what you think is best for the child

Surely while he ran around
If you searched his heart and mind

Those kids were nowhere to be found

I wonder why

I wonder where

I wonder when

Women started this

Messed up pattern

Of this is how it should happen

For titles

Don’t tell me it’s in the bible

God may use you to get them

At the feet of the Lord

After you’ve finished

He opens the door

For what He had in store

For you all along

Before you fell in love with

The wrong,

Man

It Makes me wonder women

Why we won’t be the heroes

And leave the zeroes

In the type of men, or in the money they think they can spend

To win what can never be bought

Why are we afraid to leave

What can be worse than hurting, than hiding,

Smiling knowing you’re crying and inside you’re dying

Why wonder women?

When you can be living and forgetting

About whoever hurt you and never deserved you

While you’re getting what you wished for from the beginning

To be winning women in this life

It’s not always about being a wife

Especially when you ‘re worried about what’s in others eyes

What they see or what they’ll think

I wonder why women

Can’t deal with endings

That never should have happened

To be their own Wonder Woman

And grab hold of, their new beginnings

When men come and go

Why do you have to be strong enough to know

That it’ll be OK

And this pain will pass one day

If you can just make it through each moment

To fall down hard enough and pray

We believe that God wants us to end up this way

Under a man

When he made us WO-MAN

More pleasing, undefeated, a special kind of being

We were made wonderful women for a reason

Not made to need a man but to be needed

I wonder why women won’t believe that we are great

And just be it

We believe it, but don’t achieve this great belief within us
We look to everything and everyone around to tell us how to be us

We eat and digest and serve again anything this world will feed us

We look to be taught but we are the teachers

I believe and see that the world is waiting and in need of us

I wonder women, when and where we will begin.

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Baggage: Don’t Claim It!

20 Jan

By Veronica M. Benson

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I think it’s disrespectful for someone to present themselves in such a way that’s appealing to another person and then get close to them just to reveal a life of unsettled baggage.

Men should not be complaining to a woman about their personal lives and problems because they seem like a nice person and are attracted to you.

I’m sure everyone has something to deal with in their lives but I don’t think a person should be measured by if they can tolerate or deal with your personal dilemmas & situations.

Women who are single, baggage free or not baggage burdened and are living successful, thriving lives are not magnets or B&B’s for good-looking men who need assistance in ending a bad relationship or moving on from an unstable living arrangement; or any other unsettled situation. (Your problems are your own.)

Women are not responsible to help you deal with those. At any point, but especially in a dating situation less than 1 year. You shouldn’t look for her to nor should she feel obligated to.

Men should be more responsible and careful in their selection and approaches, in life in general. I believe that men get warning signs when they are initiating something with the wrong woman. Usually when a game is presented in secret, it will end with a man’s downfall. It will fall apart for the one who pursues someone wrongfully or with the wrong intentions.

I think it’s interesting that men are willing to air their problems and baggage to women so easily. Which to me, in my own viewpoint is beyond me. Complaining about things a man should have control over. It seems as though because of the fact that we as women are caring and nurturing, men take that for granted and use it against us.

They will try to enter our lives and hearts through sympathy. It has become part of a man’s intention, to get a woman by running to her from another with complaints and baggage he created. Instead of working to get a woman’s anything. That would be a better investment in the long run.

I don’t know, because I’ve been unaware of the dating scene, where this idea of burdening women with men’s problems comes from at all. Especially so early on in any situation. These observations have been somewhat humorous on an ironic level but at the same time perplexing. To me it’s simple. Keep your problems and issues to yourself if you’re trying to deal with other people.

Dating is supposed to be fun. The beginning stages of getting to know someone. To learn if your feelings match your attraction to them.

It’s not supposed to be men burdening women with their unfulfilled dreams, desires & wants. It’s not supposed to be men moving into women’s houses, apartments, etc to get their start. Or to have somewhere they can go.

God gave Adam everything before He gave him a woman. Eve. I believe this was done for a specific reason. To show men there are requirements that should be met before even thinking about having a wife. To make visible to women that we were not made to work for a man but that a man should work always and constantly to maintain a rich, fulfilling life for himself and his woman. I believe this is the way things should be. And every woman should. It’s hard to settle when you really believe what you believe. That’s why “No” has been the answer for every proposal I’ve received from past relationships. Some women cling to a man’s word and I like words…. but if the work ethic, the dreamer and every other important element aren’t all collaborating to produce some successful action to match the words, then to me you’re trying to convince me of something you don’t even believe in. You have to want to work and work hard.

In another perspective, maybe God should have had Adam work for everything that was given freely to him with only the responsibility to take care of it. So that he wouldn’t have let anything or anyone jeopardize it for him. Which was in turn the curse he received for disobedience.

In our present society, it’s as if the tables have turned completely. As independent as I am, I never confuse what the world says with what God says. As a single woman I can be as independent as I want to be. But if any man wants to make me his wife, he will have already laid the foundation for having me as his wife. Not asking me to go to city hall for our marriage because it saves money. And this was the deal offered to me with a previous so called proposal. I couldn’t believe it. I know we have our different views on these types of things, but marriage is meant to be special. When you get the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, I believe it should be a special occasion in representation of the great God who put two people together.

Men were designed to carry burdens without needing a woman to do it for them or with them.
If you as a woman, think it is the way to take care of a man laying up under you, in your house, then that’s the life you will have.
Women were not made to take care of men, that’s not the way God intended it to be.
Your life will form or conform according to what you believe.

The comfort that men think they will get from laying under a woman should be deposited into their belief, faith and trust in God’s word. Which provides a peace that they may not find living in a woman’s house.

I’ve seen and have experienced some unusual circumstances because of the ways men think. I’ve seen a man who one woman had him by his house and another had him by the hand. How was this possible? Men don’t have the right things in mind first. Because they don’t have the right things in their minds first it comes out in their lives exactly how it is in their minds and hearts. Scattered, chaotic, disastrous and drama-filled. Some men don’t accept that they are the creators for the drama they are experiencing in their own lives.

Baggage. If you don’t want baggage, don’t be baggage to someone. We all go through some things that may have people and things lingering or hanging on to us in ways that they shouldn’t be. Which causes unnecessary drama and strife. Like dead weight usually does, it won’t be able to hold on to you or hold you down forever, it will fall off. If you have it, it’s yours to deal with and carry or not carry until you are freed from it.

* Some women want those Louis Vuitton bags to carry, who are already walking around with baggage that comes at a much higher price than Louis Vuitton ever can. It’s your life! You don’t have to carry that baggage, put it down. Let it go. Make room for your blessings. Put the baggage down, so you can carry your Louis Vuitton bags 🙂 *

Baggage

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Poetry- Out In The Cold: Cold In The Winter

12 Jan

By Veronica M. Benson

No leaves for cover bare are the trees
To the south all the birds flee
Cold the weather will very well be
Still nobody knows how cold
This winter is for me.

How pleasant, how peaceful
Should a woman be
With warmth from the heater
And more than enough company to keep her
From falling into any sorrow
Or from going any deeper
There is nothing more
Heart wrenching than being alone
In a room full of people

No leaves for cover
Bare are the trees
All the birds fly away
They find a way to be free
As cold as the weather is sure to be
Still nobody knows how cold
This winter has been to me

Even though the longer this gets
The stronger I get
She haven’t began singing her song
Just yet.

Even though the pictures in the back of my mind
Those have been taken
And the sound of my heart
Keeps on breaking

The ways I’ve had to pray to keep from hating
Lord knows I struggle with waiting.

I’ve been alone
I’ve been cold
Who will ever know?
Just how heavy the load
That my heart did hold

I go in to come back
Out and their words
Of condolences & sympathy
Many can’t fathom swallowing the pill from life
That I have to take

Life is a game
That others enjoy playing
When they don’t feel the pain

Dressed up in layers
From the cut of cold

Hoping to keep covered up
So my heartache doesn’t show

Bare are the trees
The birds they are all free
Nobody will know what this winter
Has been like for me.

(Winter 2011-2012, Chicago)

Sweetest Day!

19 Oct

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It never mattered to me the origin of holidays including those such as Sweetest Day. If I found it worth my while and if I’m interested,  I celebrate.

When I saw a post on Facebook saying it was today, I was surprised that I let it sneak up on me and my not knowing about it. It’s not like it falls on the same day every year like Christmas.

My initial reaction wasn’t that I wished I had a boyfriend to celebrate the day with. As a matter of fact I made sure that if not with my son that I would be spending the day alone. So no dates as well.

After my last relationship I decided to be single for a year. One year turned into 2, 2 into 3, 3 years into 4, 4 into 5… and here I am a happily single woman for over 5 years now. At some point I realized I can be single forever. I believe this is the point we have to reach. Being happy completely alone. Embracing being single as if this is all that we’ll ever get. Not one moment you’re happy being single and the next you’re not.

When you’re used to being in relationships, one after another, sometimes to avoid loneliness, then it can be tough to take on the challenges of staying single. Days like today “Sweetest Day” will seem like the end of the world to you.

But it’s not.

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I’ve been blessed to have a great companion, someone I can teach and watch learn & grow.  At the same time I learn from him. My son is the biggest blessing I have ever received in my life. I could have never imagined knowing or being in the kind of relationship I have with him.

When I decided it’s just going to be me and him, I found out that there is more for me as it pertains to love.

I was only looking forward to raising my son as a single mother praying that God will be the help in my life with him. And He has been.

It’s so disappointing the curse society has made being “single” out to be. Because of the time I’ve been single and my youth, my mother doesn’t think it’s a good idea. When I’m in court, I’m questioned as if I’m supposed to have someone else. Most likely judged because I don’t. 

So when days like today roll around each year I am excited to get to share them with my son or no one at all. Somewhere along my journey in being single I realized that I would only share these special days with someone that will call me his girlfriend and soon after his wife.

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That’s special to me. It’s something to look forward to. Because I’ve been proposed to on more than one occasion but my heart wouldn’t let me do it, if even in my mind I thought I wanted to.

When I see friends and other females trying to get their man to be right and do what they want them to, I know they think it’s the way love goes. I had to learn too. That there is someone in the world for you, already, who will be everything you want & need.

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So I’ll gladly spend holidays or any days alone, romancing and taking care of me. I don’t know when a Mr. Right will come along, but I do know that nobody can love me better than me.

Happy Sweetest Day! ♥

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National Girlfriend’s Day!

2 Aug

August is the month of my birthday, so along with celebrating my birthday I’m celebrating some of the other national days that are being recognized throughout the month!

Today is National Girlfriend’s day!

Happy National Girlfriend’s Day!!!!

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Brand New To The Dating Scene

17 May

By Veronica M. Benson

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After last year, I decided that I wouldn’t keep record of the years I had been single anymore. I had felt like I’d accomplished something, lots even, during my intended target goal of one year that turned into more. 

So now, brand new to the dating scene I have experienced a lot from my time in being single that has prepared me. I’m new to the dating scene because I’ve never really dated. Out of the relationships I’ve been in, I knew those people from school. Meeting people for a first time and actually pursuing more is an ideal experience for me. Even though some of my encounters in that area have been mostly nothing short of entertaining. Really. I can’t believe the way some people behave and think. It can really get comedy show ridiculous.  They didn’t turn me away from the dating game though. Just the same it’s not something I have on my To Do list. I just let it happen naturally. I laugh at the clowns and continue on my way. I just wish someone would have warned me.

People that you know over the years can actually fall into a state of familiarity, entitlement and comfort because of the thought that they already know you. Making it a more difficult time to really get to know you. So you don’t escape the reality and the complexity of dating taking that route either.

I realized that dating was something I’d never taken serious thought of over the years. My answer was simply “I don’t date.” Not that I was missing something before, but I do see the advantages of being open to meeting and learning someone new. I also have to give recognition to the single women who has accepted dating as a part of their lives and have been doing it for years. For “Single Mothers” my answer stays the same. Should or should you allow people you date to meet your children? NO. Some would have a different opinion about this, but there is no need for your children to meet every person you date just because you’re excited about them right now. You have to know it’s for sure. That this person is the one. We may meet and date several people, but there is still just one we’ll end up with. 

With that being said, new to the dating life and all, as of May 25th this year, I am still proud and happy to be a single woman! For 5 years now.
Just for the record. 

Veronica